who wants to know? - 1. the summons

part 1 of 8

adam had been very annoyed by the sudden summons of the human resources department. it meant he would have to postpone his lunch until at least two o’clock. he had made a date with phoebe to have lunch at the new chilean place on nineteenth street at twelve thirty. he texted her to tell her he would not be able to make it. phoebe was as much a creature of the street as he was, so he knew she would understand. the problem was, when would he get a chance to see her again? he had been so looking forward to their meeting - the first time he would have seen her without other of their friends present. he hoped she would quickly text him back to tell him how sorry she was to have to miss him. but she had not done so when he entered the conference room at five minutes to two. adam switched his phone off. he did not want to forget to do so when the meeting started. having your phone on when the meeting was in progress was a major demerit. he was surprised at how few people were in attendance, just carlos, janet, ashleigh, david, and himself, and roger daniels from h r who sat at the head of the table with some folders in front of him and was apparently in charge. roger was not at all a highly placed person in h r. it did not look like anything very important. adam felt a renewed annoyance. for this i had to miss lunch, he thought. would you mind closing the door, adam? roger asked. we are all here, we may as well get started. carlos and ashleigh turned their phones off. a seagull alighted on the window ledge, stared at the conference for a few seconds, and flew off. you folks have been selected to take a questionnaire, roger announced. he handed the pile of folders to ashleigh, who was seated on his right. start passing these around, please. if anybody needs a pen or pencil, i have some. the folders were quickly passed around. adam thought they looked a little thicker than they had, when viewed from the end of the table. what is this about? janet asked. roger laughed. hard to say. i just glanced at it, it seems to be all over the place. so you didn’t make it yourself? janet asked. oh, no, no. it came down from on high. did the mother ship do it themselves or did they get it from an outside consultant? carlos asked roger. i do not know, roger answered with a just-do-it tone in his voice. about how long will it take? ashleigh asked. as long as it takes you to do it. but i would advise you to take it seriously. will everybody have to do it, or just us? ashleigh asked. i don’t know that either. i think it is just you guys as a sample, but i can’t say for sure. adam was flipping through the questionnaire. can we change our answers after we do them? it does not say you can’t. i suppose you can if you have a pencil with an eraser. it is not a test, just a man in the street type thing, sampling people’s opinions. there are no right or wrong answers. > like jimmy kimmel, adam said. sort of. just longer. i have one last question, ashleigh said. and what might that be? can we get some donuts? i didn’t have lunch yet, and i am starving. of course. i will get them myself. and some coffee too, if anybody wants any. for the first time adam noticed that no coffee and pastries had been provided. and apparently roger was not going to watch them to make sure they did not cheat. so how big a deal could it be? still annoyed, he relaxed a little. of course, adam did not believe for one second roger’s assertion that “there are no right or wrong answers”. nor had he believed any such assertions since he first starting taking tests and answering questionnaires as a small child. “they” were watching you every minute, and wanting to know what you were thinking, and ready to pounce on you for the least little thing. no right or wrong answers, yeah, right. you might as well get started, roger said,. i will go get the coffee and donuts and you can have them when i get back. approximately how long is this going to take? carlos asked. as long as it takes, roger replied promptly. suppose we are not finished by five o’clock? adam asked. you will be finished by five o’clock, roger said. he got up and headed for the door. but what if we are not? janet asked. you will have to stay until you finish it. roger left. carlos flipped through the pages of questionnaire. this should not take that long, he told janet, with a hopeful smile. part 2

a preference

you are informed that you are to be assigned to a desert island with one other person. if you were granted a preference regarding one thing about your new companion, what would it be? a) that they have straight white teeth b) that they do not have skin problems c) that they do not emit an unpleasant odor d) that they be the same sex as yourself e) that they be a different sex from yourself f) that the be willing to obey you in all things g) that they provide you guidance in all things h) that they do all the work, if any, on the desert island i) that they have a pleasant singing voice j) that they believe everything you tell them k) that they accept donald trump as their personal savior l) that they accept kark marx as their personal savior m) that they accept valerie solanas as their personal savior n) that they adhere to the true faith o) that they are able to play a decent game of chess p) that they do not think they know everything q) that they know everything, and are willing to share their knowledge r) that they clean up after themselves s) that they can cook t) that they can bake brownies u) that they do not question your identity v) that they always address you as sir, or madam, or your majesty, or whatever honorific you prefer w) that they do not tell long boring stories x) that they have an endless fund of jokes and amusing stories x) that they do nor ask stupid questions y) that they never speak z) that they be good people

300 words

the following essay was submitted by l j jones, a fifteen year old student in ms johnson’s english composition class in middletown u s a. the only requirement of the essay was that it be 300 words long. * the natural inclination of humans is to live together in a peaceful world in which all goods are shared and in which no human seeks any advantage or authority over any other human, and in which no human believes it has any superiority over another human, and in which no human tells another human what to do, under any circumstances. a world where everybody is free to do as they please, where day to day survival is not an issue (because everything is shared, and there is enough for everybody), where there is no authority, and no competition. there is no record of such a human society, or anything resembling it, ever existing. and yet it is so close it can almost be reached out and touched. it is the natural state of human beings, and the great majority of humans would welcome it if it were restored. the only reason it does not exist now is that, throughout history, a handful of evil people, who might be described as “kings” or “priests” or “the ruling class” or “capitalists” have lied to people and made them believe that they should split into groups, of “tribes” or “nations” or ‘empires” to do battle with each other over the resources which they could easily share with each other. the kings and priests and capitalists do this to some extent because the are motivated by greed - the desire to hoard more goods than they need - but mostly they are motivated by malice and sadism - the pleasure they take in seeing their fellow humans suffer. all then, that is necessary to restore the human race to its natural happy state is to eliminate the handful of lying greedy sadistic “rulers” and the small cadres of soldiers and police who protect them. * if you were ms johnson, how would you grade the essay? a+_____ because it is so powerfully true a____ because it is exactly 300 words long b___ because it was submitted on time c____ just because d____ because of its improper punctuation and capitalization f_____ because it is nonsense produced by the poor child’s indoctrination by the woke media other (specify)_______________

ms johnson's quiz #2

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1. do you believe that any human being should have any advantage over any other human being? ———— yes ———— no 2. do you believe that any living creature should have any advantage over any other living creature? ———— yes ———— no 3 .do you believe that no human should live longer than any other human being? ———— yes ———— no 4. do you believe that no living creature should live longer than any other living creature? ———— yes ———— no 5. do you believe that any human who has any advantage over any other human being, should give up that advantage? ———— yes ———— no 6. do you believe that any living creature who has any advantage over any other living creature, should give up that advantage? ———— yes ———— no 7. do you believe that human society must be completely destroyed and totally rebuilt? ———— yes ———— no 8. do you believe that life on planet earth, involving the relationship of all living creatures with the earth and with each other, should be completely restructured? ———— yes ———— no 9. if you answered “yes” to question 8, and it became necessary to eliminate human life on earth to accomplish the restructuring, do you agree that that should be done? ———— yes ———— no 10. if you answered “yes” to question 9, would you be willing yourself to work to facilitate the process of elimination? ———— yes ———— no 11. did you find this quiz at all interesting or thought-provoking? ———— yes ———— no 12. did you think this whole quiz was a joke? ———— yes ———— no 13, if you thought it was a joke, did you find it amusing? ———— yes ———— no

question #37 - a contest

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you have been invited to serve as a judge for a novel writing contest. there are thirteen finalists from which to choose: a) the apple, by charles collingford. mr collingford is a yale man, and has been in the diplomatic service for forty years. he has been married five times, and has ten children and five grandchildren. b) the banana, by will davis. will is a graduate of the writing program at stanford and the film program at u c l a, and has produced advertising videos for the liverpool football club and the qatar national football club.. c) the cupcake, by samantha stringley. samantha grew up in a town of 7 people on the wyoming-montana border and won a scholarship to california polytechnic institute when she was fourteen. her memoir, “mud in the wind” was an international bestseller, but “the cupcake” is her first novel. d) the border, by carla wong. ms wong was one of the active leaders of a campaign against homophobia and transphobia in the people’s republic of china, and is currently serving a ten year prison sentence in that country. her 1800 page novel chronicles the lives of 20 generations of women raising sheep in inner mongolia. e) the entropy people, by “y”. “y” is a non-binary person living in a tent city in oakland. they have never learned to “read” or “write” and believe that “writing” and “thinking” are humanist-colonialist constructs designed to destroy the ancient wisdom of pure empathy. f) forever is a noun, human is a verb, by j stuff. j stuff is a securities analyst and human rights activist. they live in des moines iowa with three partners and five children. g) get out of my fucking way, by dave danforth. mr danforth is a former navy seal and texas ranger and currently serves as a director of the caucasian rennaissance foundation. h) how to bake a perfect pie, by helen may francis. ms francis is 95 years old, and has lived her whole life in knoxville tennessee. this is her first attempt at writing a book, and she “never knew it could be so much fun”. i) incognito, by e. nuff. nothing is known about e. nuff. j) jerri’s jellybeans, by amanda brown. amanda is a christian evangelist who has adopted twelve children from west and central africa, and is active in the pro-life movement. k) kaleidoscope 33, by jeffrey talbot. jeffrey is a 13 year old student at phillips exeter academy. both his parents and all four of his grandparents are self made billionaires. his novel pokes gentle fun at feminism, especially the #metoo movement, and at diversity in general. l) laugh, it won’t kill you, by lou j goldstein. mr goldstein operated a talent agency in reno for 45 years, specializing in pole dancers , animal acts, and comedians. m) a man shows up, by mike marstton. mr marston Is a retired police officer. his novel is about a rogue cop who takes on the deep state - alone. the question is, would you feel any need to read any of these books, before awarding the prize for the best one? yes ______ no _________ if you answered “no”, which book would you award the prize to?

question #36

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36.) agree or disagree? there is no such thing as an objective statement, or objective thought, by human beings about human beings. every statement or thought by one human about another expresses sympathy, hatred, resentment, envy, amusement, or contempt. _______ agree ________ disagree

question #35 : a test

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you apply for entry into a training program at a prestigious institution. you are given a test. you are brought into a room, and you are shown a clear drum containing 800 white ping pong balls. the balls are absolutely identical except that they are numbered and marked 1 through 800 . each ping pong ball is also randomly assigned to one of eight subgroups of 100 balls each. the groups are listed as a, b, c, d, e, f, g, and h. the balls are not marked with the letter of the group they belong to. the testers have a list showing which ping pong balls belong to which subgroup. you are not shown the list. 80 balls are randomly taken out of the drum and given to you. your task is to sort them according to their lettered subgroup into 8 groups of 10 balls each. you must end up with 10 in each subgroup a, b, c. d e. f. g, h, and each ball must be in its correct subgroup. you are given 10 minutes to do it. if you succeed, you will be given further tests. if you fail, you will be taken out and shot, or, perhaps, just not be admitted into the prestigious institution’s training program. do you think this is a fair test? if not, what do you think is unfair about t? out of 1,000 applicants, what do you think is the most likely number who could pass the test? a) 1000 - it is impossible not to succeed b) 250 - 1000 c) 100 - 250 d) 10 - 100 e) 5 - 10 f) fewer than 5 next